I was finally able to stop the morphine and got to feeling better immediately. They tried to give me some Percocet but I knew I would be so sick on it. I just stuck with Ibuprofen. I chatted with my cleaning lady that cleans my room every morning. she said she saw me as they rushed me to the OR and wast so worried for me, she told me that she usually mops the halls at 12 but for some reason that day she hesitated and did something else first. Then she saw them rushing my bed down the halls that would have been pretty wet at that time. She was very very sweet. David took me on some hall strolls before going to see Evan. They had to put the iv in his head and I felt so badly for him. This was the first time I got to hold him. I put him on my chest and it was so good to have some bonding time with him. He wasn't as scary as I thought he would be. He was small but I still felt so comfortable holding him; my sweet baby boy. I held him for about an hour and then I was worn out. We went back to my room and I took a nap.
After dinner we went back upstairs to be with Evan. There we met Dr. Allaire. David had met her the day before because she was the Dr that worked on Evan after he was born. I asked her to tell me about his birth since neither David or I witnessed it. What she told me devastated me. She said that when he was born he was completely lifeless. His skin was devoid of all color and he wasn't breathing. Now some of the things I had heard the nurses say made more sense. They had commented that he hadn't cried when he was born and things like that. But I had no idea how bad it was. Dr Allaire said that when she first saw him she wasn't sure he was going to make it. However as soon as they put the breathing tube in him he snapped right back and was responsive. She said Evan was doing remarkably well considering his traumatic beginning. I couldn't really process everything she was saying because I was a bit I shock. My baby had almost died and I had no idea, I would have never met him, held him or smelled his sweet baby smell. When the Dr left David and I were very quiet. Then we heard the Dr next door telling another mother that her baby was very sick and they might want to let nature take its course. David and I were dumbfounded and couldn't believe we had this miracle baby while other parents were being given the worst possible news. It was very humbling.
Friday March 15
Today is when everything finally hit me and I was pretty much an emotional wreck for most of the day. I called my mom to tell her what I had found out from the Dr. I was crying so hard she could barely understand me. I needed to ride the emotional wave so that I could begin to process what had happened. I was feeling good and walking around better so we ditched the wheelchair and I walked to the elevators and to the NICU. We visited with Evan and we were told his jaundice levels were rising a bit. This was to be expected. They put him under the lights for a bit but the Dr turned them off because she didn't think he needed them quite yet. Later that afternoon we went up again and my mom came to hold him for the first time. At that time we got the great news that Evan was being moved out of the ICU and into the intermediate care nursery. He would have his own private room and he would stay there until he goes home. I was so happy to hear that. My mom and I headed downstairs to hang out with the girls for awhile; they loved seeing me up walking around. I had told David to give them each $1 so they could experience picking something out of the vending machine. That was super exciting for them!
Today Evan had a permanent IV installed--a PICC line. This will give him some extra fluids and fats and they won't to keep moving the IV and re-sticking him.
That night David and I hung out watching old tv shows and just laughing-that HURT. However as soon as the lights turned off I started reliving Wednesday's nightmare. David had already fallen asleep but my sobbing woke him up. He crawled into my bed and held me until I was calm and could finally sleep. I am so blessed to have such a man to love and care for me. He commented the next day that he had never heard me cry like that before. Usually I am a private crier since I try to be so strong! He told me not to hide it anymore. :) I am one blessed wife.
Saturday March 16
This was such a great day. We got to see Evans new room. It's so nice having space to take care of him. His jaundice levels had risen again so they decided to put him on the billy blanket. This meant we didn't get to hold him much-only 30 minutes at a time,
David left and took the girls swimming and came back after lunch. Alison came by for a visit. She brought me new pajamas-awesome! We all went up to see Evan. It was time for his feeding and they wanted to see how he would do with a bottle. I got to feed him and he sucked done the entire thing! I was shocked and so so happy! They didn't really expect him to have the suck swallow breath reflex yet but he was a champ!
That night David got take out from a local Mexican restaurant so we could celebrate our final night in the hospital!
Sunday March 17
My nurse today was Sandy, the one who helped save my baby by her quick actions-holding the cord in. I was so glad to see her. She took care of me and got me all ready for discharge. We went up and visited Evan for his 9 am cares and told him good-bye for the day.
The girls were so happy to see me! Coming home was a bittersweet event. I was so happy to see my girls and my house but a piece of our family was definitely missing. Anna plopped herself next to me and didn't want to leave my side. The girls showed me all the treasures that Grandma had bought them. Cyrena showed off her hula hoop skills. It was so fun. I headed upstairs and was asleep within minutes of laying on my bed. The entire afternoon and evening I was very tears and missing my baby but trying to be bright and cheery for the girls, David and I put them to bed-it was so nice to be able to do that again. Anna of course really wanted me to pick her up and hold her and didn't understand why I couldn't. After they were settled in bed David and I got in the car to head back to the hospital. As soon as we pulled out of the driveway I let out all the tears I'd been holding in. It had been a hard, long day. We got to the hospital and the first thing the nurse asked me was " how was the homecoming?" And I lost it again and couldn't even answer her! She was so sweet and understanding. That night Evan was back to his birth weight of 3 lbs 12 oz. The lowest he had been was 3 lbs 9 oz. We just got to hold him for about 30 minutes so he could go back on the UV blanket. By that time I was exhausted anyway and ready to sleep in my own bed.
Monday March 18
Today Evan started taking all his feelings through the bottle. It was amazing! All the nurses were surprised since babies don't usually do that at 32 weeks. We started our new schedule today. David helps me get the kids up and ready and Cyrena off to school. Usually he's gone way before then but his work is being very understanding. Then he and I both leave the house just after 8. I head to the hospital and he heads to work. My dad drove me today and my mom picked me up. I don't know what we would do without their help! I arrive for Evans 9 am cares and then 'kangaroo' (skin to skin holding) with him for about 2 hours. Then I put him in his bed, pump, use the restroom, eat my snack then do his 12 pm cares. Then I stay and hold him after he eats before I head out so i am home by about 1:30. I'm home all afternoon for when Cyrena gets home and the family is all together. Then we put the kids to bed and drive back to the hospital for his 9 pm cares and David 'kangaroos' with him for about an hour while I update this journal. We get home around 11:30 and fall into bed exhausted! Evan gets weighed every night and I watch the scale like a hawk! Today he gained 2 oz so he is now at 3lbs 14 oz.
Tuesday March 19
Evan continues to do well with his bottles. His nurses say he seems to think he's older than he really is! They keep asking if my due date was wrong but I know it wasn't. I know this is due to all the prayers and faith of our friends and family, his weight today was 4 lbs even!
Wednesday March 20
Evan is 1 week old today and what a cutie he is! My parents both drove me today and the girls went to the Larson's house. It was time for Grandma and Grandpa to go home. They had given us 2 full weeks of help and it was so appreciated! It was hard to say good-bye; lots and lots of tears. It was so reassuring knowing that my girls were being loved and cared for while I was in the hospital and couldn't be there for them. I owe them a debt of gratitude for sure! Evan continues to do well and weighed 4 lbs 1oz today.