Evan's Journey part 1

So much has happened since I posted last.  I did journal about it and will post the journal entries here for posterity's sake. :)  It will probaby be boring to read but I wanted to record it since I have an awful memory. 

Tuesday, March 5

I woke up around 4 am thinking I was leaking some fluid. I went to the bathroom and realized my garments were wet. I changed and then told David what was going on and I tried to go back to sleep. However a few minutes later I felt more leaking and when I stood up there was a gush of fluids. I knew it was time to head to the hospital. My first reactions were anger and fear. I was upset that my body was not doing it's job and was worried about the time ahead. I quickly called Alison while I threw some things in a bag and started to cry a little.

We got to the hospital (Banner Gateway) just before 5 and they checked to confirm that my water had ruptured. It had, so they prepared me to be transferred to another hospital that handles premature deliveries and infants. While they waited for transport they got an IV started and gave me magnesium to stop any contractions. They also tilted my bed so my head was down and feet were up. This caused me to feel nauseous and David had to help me sit up so i could breathe and cough into a bag. The magnesium made me really hot and my vision a little blurry. They checked my cervix and thought I was about 2 centimeters dilated. David game me a very quick and very comforting blessing.

The transport arrived and they transferred me to a gurney for the ambulance ride to the hospital. The entire time I kept thinking that this couldn't be happening, not to me. This just can't be happening. But it was, so I tried to put on a brave face. All the medics and nurses kept commenting to me that I am handling this so well. When we arrived at Banner Desert they took me straight to a delivery room. They hooked me up to monitor contractions and the baby's heart rate.

I was really tired and not feeling great because of the Magnesium. I was holding it together until a nurse practitioner came to talk to me. She was super nice and emphasized again and again that this was not my fault and I did nothing to cause this. She said I needed to let go of the mommy guilt then and there.  That's when I started to cry a little. It felt good to let a few emotions go. Tender Mercy #1.

Dr Cook came to visit and he outlined the plan. He said there were certain goals we wanted to make. The first was to get both sets of steroid shots. I received one at Banner Gateway before transport and I would get another in 24 hours. He said the steroids begin to take effect immediately so any he gets will benefit him. Also I would be on the Magnesium for 24 hours after the second steroid shot. The next goal would be to make it to 32 weeks. At that point they will check the baby's lungs and if they are mature they will induce labor.

After that I was stable so they transferred me to the antepartum ward on bedrest. By this time it was about 1 pm. The girls were taken care of, my parents were on their way and Tara was coming to sleep at my house and watch the girls the next day. That night David brought the girls to see me. Natalie climbed right into my bed.  Anna just watched warily. The girls were just excited to watch cable. Cyrena climbed in bed next to me too and we just hung out until it was time for David to take them home and get them bathed and in bed.  He met Tara there and came back to stay with me for the night. The night passed uneventfully.

Wednesday, march 6

I didn't get much sleep but the baby was still active and I was just feeling pregnant, not in labor. I got my second shot of steroids so everything was looking really good. David went to work for awhile and then my parents came through on their way into town. I was so glad to see them arrive and knew the girls would be so excited to see them. David got Cyrena after school and took her to football practice then they all got some dinner and came back here for a visit. The girls were cute, Anna was especially excited to see me, she was so adorable. We hung out for awhile. I was still seeing double a little because of the Magnesium. Before they left to go home I asked David and my dad for a blessing, it was not only a blessing for me, but also for our baby boy. It was very comforting and I appreciated it so much. I know The Lord is preparing us to be taught many lessons in the coming weeks. I was getting so many texts and emails from loved ones and ward members, it was wonderful.  I know our names were in many temples--even Hong Kong since my uncle Rick was there on business!  There were a lot of prayers being offered on our behalf.  That night passed uneventfully as well and I slept a little more. The baby was barely active at all so I kept making them check him. They said the magnesium would make him tired just like me so that's probably all it was. His heart rate has been fine this whole time.

Thursday March 7

I was looking forward to getting off of the magnesium so I could feel a little more normal. They ended up taking me off mid-morning. I immediately started feeling better. And the baby's activity level returned to normal. I took a shower. Then they ended up taking the iv out completely so that was exciting. The rest of the day was normal. Around 5:00 I started feeling faint contractions. I was a little nervous but not too worried. I finally texted David around 5:45 and told him to come even though he was already on his way!  For the next couple of hours the contractions came about 5 minutes apart but weren't too painful.

They called the dr in and she checked me. I was still at a 2 and about 70% effaced. The monitor wasn't picking up the contractions but I was definitely feeling them. They did an ultrasound and the baby was breech (bum down) so a c-section was eminent. I was terrified! All along I've been planning on a natural childbirth without an epidural or anything and now they're telling me that I have to have surgery?

They started up another iv and kept the heart rate and contraction monitors on me. David and I tried to get some rest but every time I rolled over they would have to come adjust the monitors. It was exhausting. Eventually around midnight the contractions subsided and were gone by the middle of the night so they took the monitors off and I could sleep.

Friday March 8

Nothing much happened today. I felt completely fine and didn't have any contractions. I think I may have just been dehydrated so the iv fluids helped stop the contractions, it was really rainy all day and cold. Of course I just had to take everyone's word for that!

Saturday March 9

David hung out with me a lot today. He spent the morning with me then he met up with my parents and the girls at the dinosaur museum. He came back afterward for the afternoon and then headed home to play with the girls and eat dinner.  Later he came back again to sleep with me. The only change for me today was that my fluid changed colors. Up until this point it had been clear and pale yellow. But this day it turned an obvious pink. That was a little concerning but not bad, they said as long as its not red or active bleeding they are ok with it. They get concerned if its red or if it turns green or smelly. Other than that the day passed with nothing too significant. The baby continues to be super active and his heart rate is perfect. Today Anna learned how to climb out of her crib! This was not welcome news, I hadn't planned on transitioning her to a big bed until July or so. The last thing I want to have happen is her doing this while I am in the hospital! David rigged up kind of a cave to block her in but I'm trying to find a crib tent.

Sunday March 10

David was gone most of the day because of church and being with the kids. I took a long shower, shaved my kegs and did my hair! He brought just the older girls by during Anna's nap. He said everyone at church was concerned about me and asking all kinds of questions. Many people shared their preemie/NICU stories so that was very comforting to us. Then when he was ready to go Melinda Mullins showed up for a visit and then MaryJo and Nicole Levi came. It was good to have some distracting adult conversation. That took care of the evening and then David came back to sleep with me.

Monday March 11

This was the hardest day so far. David left for work and after I ate breakfast I was just struck with immense sadness, I miss being with my kids, I'm worried about the coming weeks, and feel like I'm not doing my job as a mom. Now logically I know I'm doing the most important mom work right now but I just needed a pity party. So I turned out the lights, grabbed some tissues and let the tears flow. I felt much better afterward! The only thing was the baby was kicking down low really hard and it was quite uncomfortable. But feeling him move is the most reassuring thing, After lunch Ashley Johnson came by for a visit. She is pregnant with a baby boy due in June. Again it was a good distraction and helped pass part of the afternoon. Everyone has been so nice and supportive. I know that their prayers and faith are helping, I can feel it.  Everyday the baby stays in and I am bored is better for his health! The plan is to check my fluid on Thursday to see if his lungs are developed. If they are then they will induce or do a c-section depending on the baby's position. If his lungs aren't ready then they will check again in a week. I have mixed feelings. On one hand I want to be done with bedrest but on the other i know the longer he stays in the better. But also the longer I go the more there is a risk of infection from the ruptured membranes. It's all a gamble. They said if his lungs are mature then it's safer for him to be delivered sooner rather than contract an infection and be born sick. That makes sense. So I guess we'll just see what happens Thursday.

 

Tuesday March 12 

Today has been a great day. The morning flew by. I set up some play dates for the kids and was glad to know they would have fun. They took my iv out. I should be able to keep it out until I deliver! I usually try to take a little nap before lunch since I'm not sleeping super great at night. After that I ordered lunch and then Alison Spencer showed up for a visit. She brought a bag of tricks. She brought me yummy chicken salad for lunch and some homemade kettle corn-yum! She also brought a hat she had crocheted for the baby and then brought me some thread and yarn to work on crocheting some burp cloths. She stayed for a couple of hours. After she left I took another hot shower, it was great to be able to fully use both hands! My mom, David and the kids came for a visit around 6:30. I usually try to plan my meals for when they are there so they can share some of my food. They love that. The nurse also brought each of them a popsicle! My mom got me started crocheting some burp cloths so that will give me something to do tomorrow. David painted my toenails and then Natalie painted some clear sparkles on top of that.  Then David took everyone home. He's going to stay home tonight-it will be our first night apart. He said he would turn his phone on LOUD! We found a crib tent and David picked it up earlier. I hope it works to keep Anna in!! The baby has been really active, I hope he moves positions so we don't have to do a c- section.